The Return

I'm back, and doing much better. As for Ripley, she's been in the middle of moving for the past couple months. Yeah, it takes her that long to get settled. Now hopefully L&T can get back on track.

So, I was sitting in the ever comfortable leather chair without arm rests when I was asked, "What is it you want to do with your life?"

I said to my psych, "I want to make an imprint of myself into the world. That could mean anything, I realize, but to me, that sums up what I've been thinking for the past couple years. I want to make a film. I want to make a national monument. I want to write a novel. I don't want to do all of these things, but I'd like to do just one, just one to make my vision or dream somehow cast onto society so that people will look back and try to imagine what my life was like."

My psych was still listening silently.

"I could settle for a novel, perhaps. At least I'd get a better idea of what to do once I had taken such a step. It'd be like reaching the top of a mountain and finally being able to see down below where the great valleys, and rivers, and fields of grass and trees rest."

"So then why don't you do it?" He asked.

"The problem is that I constantly fall into these states where I don't believe anything I do can push me forward towards my goals in life. I just get into situations where all I can do is sit, listen to music, and wait for the days to pass by until I can muster enough energy to even eat. I'm exaggerating of course, I do eat every day, or at least I try, but it really is difficult to muster enough energy to do anything. The problem is that I think too much on my future."

"Sometimes you just need activities to get your mind off things. Or even people to talk with. Just pick up your phone and call someone. You don't have to speak about what's been pulling you down, or anything remotely important for the matter."

He was right to point that out. I haven't had anyone to talk to in a long time. Nobody ever calls me anymore, and I don't call anyone else anymore either. And I haven't been gaining friends. On the contrary, I've been losing them as the time passes by. I've lost everyone that I normally talk with, and I scarcely ever talk with my current friends. My cousin, for example, I am credibly calm around and short of words. I always have been. It's weird because I'm not like that with most people.

So then, why does all of this happen? It happens because I look for things in my life where they don't exist, or at least no longer do. It's time for change.